Crazy Love

This summer is flying by.  We have had an eventful last month with a second surgery on Olivia's tear duct a few days after returning from the beach.  Unfortunately, the first surgery was unsuccessful so we had to go in for an additional probe and they inserted a tube to act a stint for drainage.  She started running fever the night of the surgery and the next day her eye was swollen almost shut.  She had a infection which required oral antibiotics, which she had a allergic reaction rash to.  Poor baby was very sick for about a week.  The worst part is, her eye still isn't better.  It is the same as it was before we had any surgery at all.  We are still hopeful that when they remove the tube in a few weeks that the tear duct will have healed open and it will begin functioning as it should.  I, of course, have been a nervous wreck worrying about my baby.  The next surgery required involves cutting her face and drilling a new tear duct and I will do everything possible to avoid that.  

I started reading a new book in the midst of her healing, Crazy Love.  I cannot even tell you how much the first few chapters have impacted me.  I have been so worried about things going on in my life that I forgot the reason I even have life at all, to praise a loving God. 
 Philippians 4:4 says "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again, Rejoice!"  Notice it does not end with..unless you are doing something really important, or you just have a lot on your plate right now.  It is followed with "Do not be anxious about anything".  So here I was, consumed with important thoughts about my daughter and losing sleep worrying about her.  This was a little hard for me to swallow.  I was praying all the time, but I wasn't feeling any better.  I had to realize that this life is not about me, but I am serving a greater purpose.  I prayed for forgiveness and asked God to take away my worry and heal my child in his time, not mine.  We live in a world where we want everything faster and demand things on our time, but God does not work like that.  Once you surrender to his will things seem to fall into place.  I am still reading this book and I would recommend it highly if you want to draw closer to the Lord.  I am so thankful for a loving God who wants to take my worries from me and loves little old insignificant me when I don't deserve it.  That is pretty amazing when you really think about it. The God of this universe loves each of us dearly.  The same God who made the stars and the sun and every living creature on this planet made you and loves you.  Being a mother is the most amazing experience I have ever had.  I imagine the love I have for my child and it can't even compare to the love my God has for me.
  I have to ask..Do you know that love?  God loves you and wants to show you, you simply have to let him.

Even the darkness is not dark to You, And the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.…           Psalm 139:13

As I look at my precious girl, her eye still swollen and slightly bruised I see pure joy in her eyes.  Before God even made me he knew he would bless me with a daughter one day and the struggles we would face, whether big or small.  Sometimes we get caught up with minor imperfections with our lives and forget to rejoice in what truly matters.  Yes, God has blessed me with an amazing life.  I love my family and friends dearly, but if he did not give me all of them I would still have Him.  My love for my God does not change with the seasons.  He is here for me always and will never forsake me.  I will do his work here on Earth until he calls me to be with him.  Life here is nothing more than a mist, a vapor that quickly goes away.  I am setting my eyes on a heavenly prize and trying to spend less of my short life worrying about Earthly troubles.

Today I choose to love more and worry less.  God has control of my life and I am pretty sure he can handle things without my help ;)  I have learned so much by this little struggle.  Sometimes God lets us stumble so He can be the one to pick us back up.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.   This is the first and greatest commandment.    Matthew 22:36

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