Body of Love

As the new year rings in it is time to think of those resolutions.   I have been doing a lot of thinking regarding this subject lately.  It is a time to better ourselves in some area we feel is lacking.  A fresh start. 
 I am choosing a new way of thinking.

For a while now I have been pretty down on myself about my postpartum body.  I have complained to anyone who will listen about my wider hips and flabby belly.  As a person who used to make a living by getting others into shape it is a bit of a hard pill to swallow to not be in shape.  I find myself too often shying away when my husband grabs my "love handles" to pull me in for a hug or catches a glimpse of me changing clothes.  I compare myself to others and worry way too much about how they are viewing me. I have judged myself much harsher than deserved.
 I have felt that I was a failure.

Then I looked at my daughter.

My perfect, beautiful, healthy little girl.  My body was the vessel God used to bring her into this world.
Yes, my hips are wider.  They had to give way to allow her to grow inside of me.
The roadmap of veins and stretchmarks on my chest are proof that I am still giving her life even though she is on the outside.
The marks on my sides show that I was once too small to contain all of the love that she would bring to my life.
My belly, that I worked so hard to sculpt is now soft, but she doesn't mind as she snuggles in close to me, nothing makes her happier.
My smile, that is now adorned with a double chin is perhaps the only distinct feature I can recognize on her as part of me, and her smile is a thing of beauty.
I may not be wearing make-up and my hair is not perfect, but I will not regret the hour I spent laying in the floor giggling with her until she loses her breath.
My expanded waistline was home to all of her kicks and jabs, a feeling I would not trade for anything in this world.
My body is amazing.
My body is strong.
All of this is evidence left behind proving that I once had two hearts beating inside of me.

I cannot be ashamed of that.

I can honestly not even comprehend the full beauty of that.  Every single part of her was created in me.  The fact that I would expect my body to be the same is really quite silly.

Having a baby did not ruin my body, it gave my body purpose.

I am proud God chose me to be Olivia's mother.  It is an honor I do not take lightly.
I prayed for this child and I am beyond thankful for her.
I am thankful that I was the one that got to feel her every move inside of me.
I am thankful that she knew me from the moment she entered this world.
 I am thankful that I can nurse her and continue our special bond.
I am thankful that she smiles every time she sees my face.
I am thankful that I am the one who gets to comfort her should she wake in the night.
I am thankful for the amazing little person she is.

She is perfect to me and I cannot look at anything she left behind on me as anything less.

So as I welcome this new year I am resolving to be happy with the new me, imperfections and all.



4 comments

  1. OMG Julie, this is absolutely beautiful!! You are a great writer!! I applaud you for changing your thinking - you are absolutely right! And, because I am now 53 but have been in fitness literally all of my life, it is so so hard to stop comparing myself to all of those younger bodies around me. However, I am making a resolution to embrace the amazing body that God has given me that has lasted this long in the fitness community and I am thankful that I am blessed to be strong and healthy at my age! Thank you for posting this!

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    1. Thanks Polly for your kind words. You are an amazing woman who seems to just keep getting better with time! You know we all look up to you and all that you do. You are truly an inspiration!

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    2. This brought tears to my eyes. Watching you be the wonderful mother that you are is truly a blessing. You are perfect just the way you are, and she is perfect with and because of you. :)

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    3. Thank you, you are so sweet! I'm so glad we got to see y'all tonight! Can't wait to watch you walk down the isle soon. You will be a beautiful bride :)

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